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 NaughtyMe goes to the Tate Modern...
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| NaughtyMe |
Posted on 12-08-2009 20:51
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 Posts: 1009 Joined: 07.11.07 |
So my office at the moment is 5 mins walk from the Tate Modern in London. Today I decided to try and "open my mind" in an artistic way, rather than the herbal way. I like the building, but stepping around johnny foreigner and my limitation to an 1.5 hr long lunch meant a bad start, that went slightly downhill from there. For those of you who have been, would you agree with me that, hmm lets be generous, 97% of the art pieces are unmitigated, pretentious shite. I say that, not because I know nothing of art, but because it is true. May be that nun might get off on these pieces, but my cats have shat better "inner hatred, portrayed by the scratchiness of the unloved paintbrush drawn roughly across the barren canvas". There were specific pieces which drew my ire and made me wander off shaking my head in disbelief: The artistic films: Do you remember that scene in Spaced - with the conceptual play headed by a make-uped David Walliams wearing a Kaiser helmet. YouTube Video Well I thought that was just a exaggerated chariacture of modern artists. They couldn't possibly be really like that could they ...oh no, how fucking wrong I was: 1. A film where the left hand side showed a naked man wearing a venetian mask and boxing gloves repeatedly punched himself in the face, this overlaps the central film where, it could be the same man, I have no idea, is wearing a blonde wig and seems to be eating entrails of some sort. Every few seconds he gags. The third is of him humming. 2. A film elsewhere in the gallery was a film of a lady (fake film scratches abound) who is nude - why do they have to be nude!? - sitting in a yoga position covered in feathers, stands up and walks slowly towards the camera. At this point I was bored and left. 3. A film where a nude lady is sat sideways on a couch holding a large white ball next to a nude man. He hands the ball to her, gets up and sits the other side of her. She hands the ball to him and gets up and sits the other side of him; it continues, in silence. Film breaks and they are standing up opposite each other with the ball in between. They walk backwards and forwards slowly with the camera at a jaunty angle. The only thing impressive about the film was the man's enormous cock - even when flaccid. I left. Particular exhibits: This is the place that had Tracy Emin's bed - and fuck me, they haven't learned a thing, there is shite piled all over the place. I think some "artists" have cottoned onto a good thing and that they can get rid of all the garbage in there houses - simply stick it into a pile and send it of to the Tate. Again, many a pile crap was "ummmed" and "ahhed" at by either wannabe artists, pretentious cocks or confused visitors not wanting to look out of place. Here is my run down of some of the pieces I was completely disapointed by, or just glad that I hadn't paid to come into see: 1. A glass vase with a white cloth draped around it 2. A pile of clothes 3. A fallen tree 4. A piece of metal- with a hoop. 5. A piece of latex, painted onto the wall, bottom bit pulled out. 6. Huge piece of rock, small turds on the ground; this piece particularly intrigued me so I read the description: The rock is lightning, the turds are the silhouette of stags caught in the flash - no, they're not are they. You rolled up bits of poo. People are walking around making "hmmm"ing noises and stopping to think for minutes in front of each lump of shite - ---that reminds me, there was a Vietnese artist who had moulded shit, actual shit, into a sculpture and then preserved it somehow. He also had preserved menstrual fluid on a muslin of sorts...there was also a picture of him with the same muslin tied around his cock... ???? Stuff I did like: The 3%, although I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that I shouldn't have been so optimistic, I'm rounding this down to 1% the other 2% can go join the pretentious knob cheese above. 1. Some of the popart, apart from Andy Warhol, who I don't get. All his pieces seem to be repeated drawings with different colours; ok Andy I fucking got it with Marilyn Monroe, nice, but now you've done it with a beef burger, a gun...and some other stuff - move on! Oh he has, probably best that he's dead really. 2. A manga neon light of a girl - it was quite cool, although I did not agree with the shitty 3d movie the woman had also made. It was crap, it was almost as if she had started to go to evening classes for 3d modelling on computers, got bored in the first hour and thought "this is easy I can work out all those little buttons at the top of the screen for myself". 3. The once conceptual art I did get. A very small piece of art, made out of metal with 4 wavy people on it. I guessed right when I read the description, what people would look like in a heat wave (I paraphrase, becuase the actual description was more poncy) 4. A history of Communist art posters. 5. The turbine hall - the entrance plaze is the huge, original factory floor. A massive waste of space. but impressive. Highlights: 1. A man semi impaling himself on a piece of "work". An attendant doing nothing more than marking it on his pad of "art incidents". 2. A couple staring at a fire door for 2 minutes, before realising their error 3. An arty farty student sat at one end of the Turbine Hall. He had obviously thought very hard about how he could appear quirky and modern. He achived this by sitting directly in the centre, taking his shoes off and depositing them at odd angles behind him....and juggling every couple of minutes....wow. 4. Going back to work Stay tuned....I am thinking of trying out Salvia while playing TF2 one night to see what the consequences are. Edited by NaughtyMe on 12-08-2009 20:55 click->  <-clickJoin me in Tribes 2: [url]https://account.hirezstu |
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| Masson |
Posted on 12-08-2009 21:07
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 Posts: 290 Joined: 14.07.08 |
Quote NaughtyMe wrote: 97% of the art pieces are unmitigated, pretentious shite. I say that, not because I know nothing of art, but because it is true. Anyone who disagrees with this statement needs to realise that art that you have to be an artist to appreciate is flawed on a basic level Quote The only thing impressive about the film was the man's enormous cock - even when flaccid. I left.  Quote 4. A history of Communist art posters.  |
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| Leif |
Posted on 12-08-2009 22:20
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 Posts: 531 Joined: 26.11.08 |
Yeah modern art is a bit lame sometimes  . "Oh Hey I covered a tree in garbage sacks, look how creative I am." |
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| Raven |
Posted on 12-08-2009 22:34
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 Posts: 1528 Joined: 23.10.07 |
The only art i like is scrawl art and art inspired with manga tones Quote NaughtyMe wrote: 2. A manga neon light of a girl - it was quite cool, although I did not agree with the shitty 3d movie the woman had also made. It was crap, it was almost as if she had started to go to evening classes for 3d modelling on computers, got bored in the first hour and thought "this is easy I can work out all those little buttons at the top of the screen for myself". Sounds good this bit 
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| tomregev |
Posted on 13-08-2009 01:20
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 Posts: 1021 Joined: 26.06.08 |
Modern art is something pretentious pillocks do between admiring their own farts and practicing smug looks in front of a mirror. The only art I ever liked was Dali's work and some of the stuff in the van gogh museum in amsterdam. The pompidou center also had some decent stuff but mostly the same bullshit you describe. |
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| spaceboy |
Posted on 13-08-2009 02:05
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 Posts: 1179 Joined: 06.05.08 |
Weeeee I went there Funsies!... well... interesting... ok you're basically right I was going to point out the room filled with Communist posters as that was far and away my favourite bit. Personally I quite like some modern sculpture.. but it's really a case of the artist putting together something that just looks aesthetically pleasing or spectacular in some way. For instance of the little I've seen of his work Antony Gormley seems to be pretty good. Where any forbearance for this kinda thing ends for me is when the artist attempts to ascribe some seemingly arbitrary meaning to the sculpture/painting as opposed to being happy with putting something together which is just visually striking. Once you start down that road there's really no reason to bother ensuring the work itself to be anything other than a pile of cack as the meaning will be just as meaningful without 
Edited by spaceboy on 13-08-2009 02:07 |
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| agrippa |
Posted on 13-08-2009 02:29
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 Posts: 367 Joined: 03.01.08 |
Quote NaughtyMe wrote: 5. The turbine hall Yeah when i read that i thought it was a recreation of the tf2 map in the tate modern... i need to get out more |
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| dr_icecream |
Posted on 13-08-2009 12:11
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 Posts: 64 Joined: 10.08.09 |
So, basically, the hours we spent playing TF2 weren't a waste anyway. When someone would say "Go visit an art gallery or something" you'd just know it will suck and you'd turn the pc back on... |
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| Fens |
Posted on 14-08-2009 01:33
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 Posts: 70 Joined: 16.09.08 |
I can totally see where Naughty and Spaceboy are coming from, so much modern 'art' does indeed come across as utter tosh. One of my favourite examples (along with the many Damien Hurst and Tracey Emin pieces I have seen) is a piece I saw at the Guggenheim museum in Bilbao. It was just a horizontal neon vertical tube on a white background with a pretentious name and write up, nothing else. I then went to the Tate Modern a few months later and the same piece was there but the people that hung it had placed it vertically...so basically even the people hanging the art had no idea which way up it was meant to go  However please don't let this put you off, there is so much mind blowing good art out there to appreciate. I recenly saw some awesome stuff at the Hayward Gallery in London and at the Metropolitan and Guggenheim museums in New York which really inspired me! I am a big fan of the Surrealist movement (Dali, Miro, Leger, Tanguy) and would recommend having a look at their stuff - mostly done in the early/mid part of last century but still classed as modern art and it rocks dr_icecream - I am not sure if you are joking or what but art gallerys do not 'suck' - I love playing TF2 and wasting hours away on mindless escapism just like anyone here (beats watching TV at the least) but the experience certainly does not broaden ones mind!  |
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